its finally hit me....

i really WONT be coming back here next year.....CSF really will NOT exist......i have to go somewhere else....but i dont want to go anywhere else...i like it here....this is the only place i liked....i have friends here.....i feel AT HOME here......i dont WANT to go to UNM i dont WANT to!!!! and yes i guess that makes me a little childish but can you really blame me for not wanting to leave my HOME, for not wanting the place that i feel RIGHT in? can you really blame me for being silly and not wanting to leave? its scary to have the UNM application staring at me in the face, its terrifying its like its telling me to give up....BUT I DONT BELIEVE IN GIVING UP SO WHY DO I HAVE TO!?

i feel so stupid to be crying over something that i knew was coming and that i saw coming from miles away. and yet here i am, tears dripping down my face as i write this......why does life have to suck some times? why do politicians have to SUCK SO HARD THAT THEY ALL NEED TO JUST FUCKING STOP BEING ASSHOLES ALREADY! fucking legislation, thanks for signing my HOMEs death warrent, thanks alot assholes. yeah sure there are some awesome ones that fought for us and those i appreciate with all my heart but obviously there weren't enough of them to have it actually matter.

how am i supposed to fill out this application to some place that isnt my HOME when i cant stop crying/it makes me depressed.

i dont think they realize what they've done, even the manly guys have admitted that they've cried over CSF.....do they really realize how many hearts they've broken?

i'm supposed to go turn this in my 1:30......i dont think i'll be able to get back there by then.......i barely held it together while there.........i dont want to leave my HOME i dont want to.

D8 WHAAAA!?

there are no jrock fan clubs on Ravelry! D8 what....the.....hell!? there are thousands of anime fan clubs...or well at least a bunch of them....and video game clubs.....

i mean there isnt even a Gackt Club D8.....i thought for sure.....and not and X japan club either D8 th-......this makes me so sad! T^T but but but.......Jrockers are so cuuuuute.....and i cant be the only person that wants to knit for them....can i? D8 i mean..............an i honestly the only one that wants to knit Toshi a NON UGLY sweater!? D8 really!? like for serious!?....i was even gonna knit him a scarf and have my friend take it to the X concert for him!....before the tour got all wonkified and now she has no idea when she'll get to go.

i think maybe i should rectify this....only running a club thinger seems annoying LOL.....though.....i think....yeah i gotta do this....because thats just......SAD! D8

i also cant be the only person who knits to jrock.....seriously people hide is GREAT to knit to! 8D

-EDIT- heeeeee i started one >D....this is hilarious....i just started a club about the two things that own my soul LOL

:D

well i dont hurt as bad as i did so thats good...painkillers are my friend......that and laying down and heat pads lol

aaaaanyway taking a break from all my other knitting projects to just start and finish something hella easy because i need to. so i found a extra easy pattern for a kitty hat so i'm making one. i took a break to eat though. the care package from my mommy came in today so i have rice from a pouch! 8D and omg the best herbal tea i have ever had in my entire life O.O its Yogi brand tea and its called calming. it has hibiscus in it which i USUALLY dont like but in this its soooo good omg. hot damn thats so good it almost feels illegal XD

ohhh man i hope this kitty hat isnt too big when i finish it :/

ow.....owowowowowowowow!!!! :(

owwie owwie! full body cramps FUCK! owww.....why wont they go away thats so not cool!? i thought they were goooooone...they were gone yesterday! why are they back? ugh.......and i wanted to go to class today.....and i want pasta too and thats whats for lunch and i'll feel like an asshole if i can get myself up for food but not for class >_<

on a lighter note my knitting book came in yesterday! ^__^ The Knitting Goddess has some pretty cool stories in it and some very pretty patterns....only problem is that all the yarns she suggests are so expensive and i'm on COLLEGE STUDENT WITH NO JOB budget...so i has no monies T^T

like i WISH i could afford Noro yarns.....you have no idea how much i wish i could have Noro yarns....but like i said....no monies....and then some of the yarns she suggests have been discontinued.......and i've been trying to find what weight they were......but so far i cant! D8 so i dont know what to buy for a substitute! oh noes!

goddamn i want some pasta and my mail....but owwie i dont want to move T^T