a poem in honor of my hatred for my roommate.

(not all of the stanzas flow well i know that, suck it i was trying to rhyme!)

Ode to a shitty roommate:

I hate your guts, I hope you know,
That everything you do causes me woe.
You’re a stupid skank, you’ll sleep with anyone.
I don’t know how you seem to be friends with everyone.

I really really wish you didn’t exist
You make the bathroom smell funny, I have to use the air mist.
You sit around with your loud ass friends in the living room,
Talking about things that are disgusting and make me wish upon you, doom.

You turned off my water.
Who the fuck does that!?
You wouldn’t say hi to my father.
I want to beat you up with a bat.

You must have no soul.
It’s the only explination I can think of.
Making my life miserable seems to be your goal.
Yet you somehow think you’re as innocent as a dove.

For such a philosophical person, you’re really a total ditz.
You drink too much beer, that’s why you have the shits.
You have no sense of respect, this I do not understand.
Who the hell, at this age, doesn’t like someone if they don’t know their favorite band?

I think you’re a cunt, I wish you would die.
You make horrible baked goods, I don’t even wanna see how you would butcher pie.
I don’t even have headphones anymore to cancel out your NOISE!
What is it with you and your millions of boys?

You have the most annoying laugh I have ever heard.
Its high pitched and whiny, it would even frighten a bird.
Normally I like when people make up their own philosophy,
But promoting celibacy while being ok with whoring around? Sounds pretty fishy to me.

You actually asked WHY I was with the person I love, because she’s far away?
Are you seriously that jaded? Can you not keep it in your pants?
I’m with her cause I love her, that’s clear as day.
I think I may want to squish you even more than my infestation of ants.

I can tell you this now, I wish you were never born.
Its only been half a semester and already my nerves are worn.
So please listen closely I have something to say:
Stay out of my life, and have a rotten day.


dedicated to the queen of bitches, my roommate. :)